Three months ago, my mother died unexpectedly. I got a call in the middle of the night from my dad three days after seeing them for Jackson's 1st birthday party that my mom was in the hospital and had a heart attack. Of course Adam and I rushed to St. Louis but the entire drive there, all I could think about was "am I going to lose my mom?" Unfortunately, she never really improved, the doctors struggled to get her blood pressure to stay up and once one thing was fixed, something else would happen. My family and I lived day-in and day-out at the hospital for two weeks. After no improvement, we decided to let my mother go. The doctors had done all that they could and my mother wasn't responding anymore. As of recently, we found out that the initial cause of my mother's passing was that she had Type II Diabetes and didn't realize it, she was only 56 when she died. It has been the most difficult time in my life. Not only have I lost my mother, but I have lost my best friend and mentor. My mom has taught me everything I know about being a mother and it scares me to think that I don't have that anymore. Even though it's only been three months, it seems like she's been gone a lot longer than that. Just when Adam and I thought that things couldn't get any worse, we lost his mother on December 29th. She had been sick for some time, but it still came as a shock to Adam and his family. I'm not going to speak for him on the loss of his mother, only that he takes it one day at a time, same as me, and we try our best to be there for each other while we grieve.
2011 was a year that I prefer to forget. It has been by far the most difficult year of my life. I've experienced things that I didn't expect to encounter for many years. I'm sad that Jackson will not get to know my mom or Adam's mom personally but only through pictures and stories that we'll share. As angry as I am with God that he put my family through this, I am also thankful. Without Jackson, I don't know where Adam and I would be right now. He gives us strength and happiness and is the reason I get out of bed each day.
My New Years resolution this year is to try and be healthier and a better mom to Jackson. Since Type II diabetes is genetic, and I had gestational diabetes, the possibility of me having it some time in my life time is very high. I have learned from all this that I want to start taking better care of myself so that I can live a long and healthy life to see Jackson grow up and have a family one day. I am grateful each day I am alive and healthy.
I want to thank each friend and family member who has been there for Adam and I. It is amazing to have such and overwhelming feeling of love and support in our lives. I promise to all of you that I will blog more and keep you all updated with Jackson. It's amazing how much he's grown up in the last few months in a blink of an eye.
Rest in piece Grandma Janet and Grandma Susie, we all miss you so much.
Janet Heyer March 28, 1955 - October 5, 2011
Susie Baird
June 28, 1951 - December 29, 2011
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